All that hard work has paid off. Right? It's a long way to the top but I'm sure we'll smile back on these unemployed/under-employed times one day. Until then, here are a few things you've been trained to do over the past 4 years or so that you will NEVER need to know after graduation. So go ahead and make space in your brain for more useful stuff.
Helpful tip: Please don't put these on your resume.
5 Useless Things You've Learned in College
You've spent hours upon hours creating perfectly penciled bubbles and endured the stress of erasing stray marks or bargaining with rebellious erasers that somehow made the mark darker rather than disappear. Why do they do that? Who makes these terrible erasers? How are they still in business?! That all ends now. You'll never be required to fulfill this scrupulous task again.
You can toss your cap in joy for that win.
Right up there with the college past-time of Scantron-ing is the ability to rattle of your 10+ digit student ID number, the one you came to know so well you began introducing yourself as if you were the latest Toshiba model: "Hello, professor, I'm 810 212... and I'm really looking forward to sharing this semester appreciating film noir." (I can't complete the quote because I was told that this ID number was sacred and unique to me and that I should never release the details of this ID number except on the daily occasion I was required to bubble it in on a pop quiz, group paper or attendance sheet. Also, I never took film noir appreciation, is that a real thing?) Sure you're more than just a number, but we don't care about that part. Unfortunately, this specific ID number will continue to use up space in your brain against your will, preventing you from remembering client names or deadlines. This will be your excuse. It won't work though, so good luck with that.
3. Showing Your Work
I never understood this requirement. What difference does it make how I got the answer? All that matters is that I get the right answer, correct? School has taught us not only the right answers but also that we all have to take the same path to get that answer or risk being moot. Good news. This doesn't matter after college. Colleagues, bosses, clients don't have time to hear about your story of how you came up with the solution to the issue (nobody needs to hear that your best ideas come to you while you are in the shower, seriously, keep that imagery to yourself or risk a date with HR) all they care is that the solution WORKS. Rejoice you brainiac geniuses that have answers just miraculously pop in your heads without any work, you no longer have to prove your genius!
How much do you hate true and false questions? It's a cruel game where a single change in a word or number or date can trip you up. I've only been out of school for a year but I have never come across a workplace interaction that required the true and false thought process.
Boss: "True or False: I will need these documents prepared by noon."
Me: "Uhhh... True?"
Boss: "False! I will say I need them by noon today but I won't actually look at them or use them until next week. You still have to get it done by noon today though."
I mean those interactions happen but on a much more subtext kind of level.
Not many of us were students of the Greek culture in the respect of higher learning but we all became quick experts in the Greek alphabet. Alpha, Beta, Gamma, Delta... You can even list which string of letters threw the best parties or broke the most campus rules. You'll be surprised to find that this does not come in handy on a day-to-day basis of memos and team building meetings. So don't list it under your "Language Proficiencies" portion of your resume. However, I would recommend keeping this depth of knowledge in your back pocket for networking. It's an easy way to break the ice with the still frat-tastic CEO that takes any moment to reminisce on his glory days and with your working knowledge of your campus Greeks, you'll have an instant bond.
Now go forth my young grasshoppers and learn the new tools of the trade, like how to write a passive-aggressive note for the break-room microwave.
Photos courtesy of Casey Konstantín, Satyakamk